Fade In, So Far From Hate, Laid Back, Just Saying, 22 Pictures, Lifeless, The Drift, Com Home, Addicted, All On Me, & Zone Out With Me
Written, recorded, edited, & mixed by Eddie S. Gonzalez (ASCAP)
Produced by Eddie S.G. (ASCAP)
This Is Just The Beginning
Written, recorded, edited, & mixed by Eddie S. Gonzalez (ASCAP)
Produced by Eddie S.G. (ASCAP)
Contains samples from: Heart & Mind, Stronger Than Ever, Right Here, Enjoying Myself, Daydreaming, I Just Want To Live My Life, & Amen from Eddie S.G. EP, written by Eddie S. Gonzalez © 2014
I Just Want To Live My Life II
Written, recorded, edited, & mixed by Eddie S. Gonzalez (ASCAP)
Produced by Eddie S.G. (ASCAP)
Additional vocals by Eliza Ossorio
All songs published by The Forward Progress Sound (ASCAP)
All songs recorded in Queens, NY at TFPS Studios
All songs mastered by Landr Mastering & Eddie S.G.
Eliza Ossorio appears courtesy of herself
Executive Producer: Eddie S.G.
Drawings & album artwork by Eddie S.G.
This album is dedicated to the struggle, to health & happiness, to friends & family.
I’ve been holding on to this album for 9 years.
I’m excited to finally share it with the world. Enjoy.
© 2016 The Forward Progress Sound. All Rights Reserved.
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Fade In
I whisper words to this page as they appear to you
They come from a dark place if you only knew
I get lost in my thoughts, my mind explodes
Then the flow gets fresh, so fresh like a change of clothes
That's when I fall deep into the music, movement so elusive
Got me feeling bubbly like we're mutually exclusive
Leaping with a blindfold into the abyss
I'm falling for forever for as long as I do this
It's The Forward Progress Sound, Eddie S.G.
Building off the foundation of my first EP
The process has begun, here's another chapter
Abstract views, different angles like a protractor
No happiness in my heart, I write to depart
With the demons & the struggles that been with me from the start
As I ink these thoughts of mine in purgatory
To tell you is the story, to survive it is the glory
I sat alone in my studio producing this
Running back every memory like I reminisce
Running past every obstacle as they try to blitz
Bending time to fit it all in, that's how hard it gets
Ambition keeps me up, strength holds me down
Dreams fuel my hunger like this all year round
As I push up the fader, peace, see you later
I breathe life into this music when I become a creator
I look forward to a new session like tomorrow
Been getting it on my own I ain't got a borrow
In here blocking out the world with my headphones on
In my zone is where I dwell, at times all night 'til dawn
As I whisper another word to complete a bar
I just add another page to the repertoire
Put your headphones on, zone out with me
Put ya, Put ya headphones on, zone out (zone out)
Put your headphones on, zone out with me
Put ya, Put ya headphones on, zone out (zone out)
(Zone out)
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This Is Just The Beginning
Eddie S.G… The Forward Progress Sound..
Zone out with me.. This is just the beginning
I play hard, work harder, no days off
Simple man, but I stay fly like I take off, my scene
Black tee, blue jeans, black kicks, one cap, my team
Me pushing to the extreme
Not going outside for weeks at a time, I'm
laying the foundation, I continue to climb
Sacrificing sleep, money, & time, I'm
Giving you my soul, rhyme after rhyme
Beat after beat, song after song
As long as I'm in my zone I will never go wrong
I'm dedicated to this music, so I drop
Albums in different genres, don't put me in a box
This is just the beginning, "a long time coming"
"From my heart through this pen," "Deep in thought"
"I wrote it all down," "Words detach from my mind"
"Paint you this picture," "Planning out my future"
Looking back at 14, I didn't see
Me producing a track or recording a thing
I was just a poet, I rhymed words, 2nds & 3rds
A jock too but I was a bigger nerd
Never thought of music as a way of life, man & wife
'Til I left the military, tucked away the knife
I keep that behind me, though my thoughts remind me
No ones like a dummy, I earned my degree
Trademarked the name, The Forward Progress Sound
Now I drop jewels each year I'm above ground
I have nothing to prove, not scared of dying
All I fear is myself & not trying
This is just the beginning, "a long time coming"
"From my heart through this pen," "Deep in thought"
"I wrote it all down," "Words detach from my mind"
"Paint you this picture," "Planning out my future"
I strive to be better, don't take it as I'm full of myself
I set the bar high to push myself
This isn't about being the best, or top 5
Right now or all-time, dead or alive
This is all about living out my dreams
Setting goals, achieving milestones
Dying accomplished, leaving it all to my baby
Knowing she'll be straight here without me
Got more projects on the way, things are in place
Just doing what I love with a smile on my face
So I'm a keep at it whether you like it or not
'Cause you have no influence over what I drop
This is just the beginning, "a long time coming"
"From my heart through this pen," "Deep in thought"
"I wrote it all down," "Words detach from my mind"
"Paint you this picture," "Planning out my future"
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So Far From Hate
Remember when we were young
Remember when we used to have fun
Remember when we used to run from
All these crazy things
Her head's in the clouds, high like 420
My mind could never touch the sky because my thoughts are heavy
So I could never reach her, never see her
Never find the flow or instrumental either
She's gone with the wind, like that old movie
Said Hip-Hop was the past, got to keep moving
'Cause I call her names, talk bad about her
Talk behind her back instead of stand behind her
Every day that passes, you slip further away
& that's not where I want you to stay
So I try to sit you down 'cause I want you to listen
I took this from my heart & made that transition
From my mind to my hand
Put it on paper, read it, made it spoken word so you could understand
So if you hear me, I hope you feel me
Give me a chance to take that blue away from you
Remember when we were young
Remember when we used to have fun
Remember when we used to run from
All these crazy things
Even when it's written can't escape how we're living
A lyricist is a victim of his own surrounding
Living off experience like The L.O.X.
Sometimes I can't control when it starts, how it stops
I'm not saying I'm right, I'm saying I might
Be a little blunt when I'm behind the mic
I'm cutting back on my drinking, It'll be alright
If I smoke, it's a little blunt, I'll be home tonight
Them other dudes, they're just jealous of me
They watched me grow into a giant & I'm barely 30
When I say I love you, I know you hear me
But don't believe me 'cause these other dudes say it freely
I can't speak for them, but I'm not here to hurt
Let's talk about what we need so we could make it work
My feelings for you are so far from hate
That it hurts to think you won't even see me for a date
Remember when we were young
Remember when we used to have fun
Remember when we used to run from
All these crazy things
Sometime when I hold the pen it doesn't move
Sometimes it's rude depending on my mood
It's hard to always stay so positive
when everything around me is so damn opposite
& when I speak on it you label me negative
Run to the F.C.C. for censorship
& yet I try to stay meek
'Cause what you hear in the street is much worse than what you'll hear me speak
We're from the same streets
Same boros, same city, yet we are so unique
I admit I make mistakes
I speak through music so I know you never see me on break
Honestly you're the reason that I'm here
We survived so I know deep somewhere you really care
I am Hip-Hop, come home, I love you
I really mean that, there is no one above you
Remember when we were young
Remember when we used to have fun
Remember when we used to run from
All these crazy things
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Laid Back
You should be, you should be
You should be laid back
I hear your every word, feel your every touch
I dig your everything 'cause I feel you that much
there's no such thing as making time for you
'Cause you are it, you are the tick
Let's live life like vacation in a suite
Lay back as I sweep you off your feet
You should be, you should be
You should be laid back
Let's go grab a bite to eat
At your favorite spot that's just down the street
We accrue moments like a scrapbook
You & I together is the best look
When you're ready, let's ride out, say when
Let me get the door for you, hop in
You should be, you should be
You should be laid back
In my car, my only passenger, co-star
Let's shoot this scene like a film noir
We can go wherever your heart dreams
During the day or under the moonbeams
We keep it slow to the touch
I got you, keep your money in your clutch
You should be, you should be
You should be laid back
No fake tanning, we should both relax &
I could take you to the beach, pick an island
In a beach chair, let down your hair
Without a care in the world, my girl
We could do it all like a partnership
When we're together like an eclipse
You should be, you should be
You should be laid back
Your sight keeps me imprisoned, can't look away
I'm your biggest fan, I'll put it this way
It's the attraction that draws me to you
I'm under your spell like voodoo
But it's your personality that keeps me here
That's why I'll never disappear
You should be, you should be
You should be laid back
Lay your head on my pillow, hear my thoughts
Flip through my mind like pages from a book you just bought
There's no other place I'd rather be
Than right here, right now with you next to me
You're my breathe of fresh air in this city fog
The one I think about when I thank God
You should be, you should be
You should be laid back
Talk to me, you could unwind
Whatchu thinking 'bout? what's on your mind?
Don't let your surroundings get the best of you
'Cause I want it all, not the rest of you
We could dress up, go out for a spin
or wear less & stay in, 'cause
You should be, you should be
You should be laid back
It's a blessing to wake up here next to you
Beauty's in my eyes when they see you
I hold you in my arms, absorb your stress
Run my fingers through your hair, skin caressed
I'm taking the day off from the studio
Let's order in & binge on a show, 'cause
You should be, you should be
You should be laid back
I want to thank you for accepting me
This is how it should always be
It's like you came from nowhere & friendship grew
More like I came from nowhere & ran into you
This is the best thing ever
It's the beginning of forever
You should be, you should be
You should be laid back
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Just Saying
The first time I saw it I didn't understand
Ma, why is this man raising his hands?
Why are you arguing? why do you fight?
Grew up watching this every night
When I'm up, I see you bleeding
Can't sleep, I hear you screaming
Long sleeves in the summer to hide the bruises
Every time I asked you had more excuses
It effected me in class, I'd zone out
Couldn't figure out what it was all about
Had keys to the apartment in 1st grade
Walked myself to school at an early age
I tried to stay out & play more
Never felt safe when I walked through the door
I lived with you, I watched you go through it
Had a nice glass table, I watched you go through it
Glass everywhere, he grabs you by the leg
Tries to drag you, forcing you to beg
What was I supposed to think? I couldn't process
When he's telling me that I'm worthless
When he's in your ear calling you a ho
Then slaps you & grabs me as I head for the phone
Rips the cord out the wall, throws me on the couch
I was right there with you, couldn't say ouch
I heard sirens, lights flashing in my eyes
I wasn't the only one hearing these cries
Thank God for the neighbor upstairs
This is the end of our nightmares
But moms would go out & turn the cops away
I was so confused, what did you say?
A few more calls & it was like nothing
& then after a while they stopped coming
The verbal abuse hurt just like the physical
It made me wish I was invisible
It made me wish that you were too
He can't hit you if he can't find you
Twist & turning at night in my bed
With random thoughts marching through my head
Said you'd seek help but you never did
Just got another drink like he did
Johnnie Walker on the label posing like a model
He took my childhood, stuck it in that bottle
I prayed for peace then but I never saw it
It tested my faith & then I lost it
When you're 5, how do you explain these tears
We lived like this for 11 years
No cops, no family, just pain
Just you, just me, just him, just saying
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22 Pictures
My life is like a window, maybe a kodak
So it takes about an hour for the feedback
So come back around 7 or 8, hold on wait
I'm lying, come back around 9
Give me some time to get some things off my mind & chest
So I could breathe like the rest (yes)
Man, we're getting older, can't cry no more
Maybe I'm dehydrated, maybe it's something more
I'm accustomed to the pain I guess
I'm so numb I can't feel the stress
Some say it's the past, I can't let go
Maybe I just refuse to let them flow
My mind just takes this weight, this hate
But my blood can't pump if it clogs the way
So I don't concern myself with things I can't control
It's just like love, I let it go
I'm so unhappy with life, sometimes I don't wanna write
I just wanna go, don't care what's wrong or right
I don't wanna know, just wanna see the road & go
'Cause I'm so unhappy so, (so unhappy) so unhappy (for real)
I'm so unhappy so, (so unhappy) I just wanna go
My shoes are moving so it seems like I'm walking away
To the other side, for a better way (let's go)
But every time I wake it seems like it never lasts
As if I stood still & let time pass (what the?)
Maybe I just need to see a familiar face
Big homie came home, time to celebrate (what up, Ku)
But I can't drink right now, please, hold my liquor
'Cause that's the reason why Victor used to hit her
Moms ain't been the same since, well, me neither
So I'm daydreaming, me with the steal heater (open your mouth, open your FFFF mouth)
Am I in my right or wrong mind? I can't choose
I see it both ways so I have trust issues (man)
& wild mood swings like I'm playing baseball
That's why I blurt things like don't love me at all (don't love me)
But that's just what I'm feeling at the time, boo
I'll get through it, I always do (you know)
I'm so unhappy with life, sometimes I don't wanna write
I just wanna go, don't care what's wrong or right
I don't wanna know, just wanna see the road & go
'Cause I'm so unhappy so, (so unhappy) so unhappy (for real)
I'm so unhappy so, (so unhappy) I just wanna go
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Lifeless
Men at my door preach to me of the end
Do I show interest or pretend?
When thoughts start racing I reach for a pen
Complete another 16 & end it with amen
Draining all my pain on the paper
Pissing Hennessy, wondering if there really is a savior
'Cause everyone's blaming Him, how could this be?
Since I don't point fingers then I guess it's me
Tried to take the life from my veins with a knife
Touching rock bottom, yeah I suck at life
Fighting with myself is unhealthy, I know
Being my worst critic, I never get to grow
I gotta know if this is real or a dream
'Cause someone told me once life ain't always what it seems
I was out nowhere, somewhere in between
With no direction got recruited at 18 (let's go)
I needed to escape the pain
If I was gon' survive, but inside
I felt lifeless
Lifeless
Never came home 'cause I never left one
Gave up one drug for 2 more & guns
Never looked back 'cause I knew that's not the way
Obsession had me lusting 3 times a day
Alcohol polluted my system
Just like my mother & her father, I miss them
Climbing out the window, tryna escape insanity
That domestic violence put in me
That's when I imploded, unballed my fists
Can't accept the pain but admitted I was sick
No counselor reached me 'cause my shame hid it
Yeah I had friends but ain't know how to say it
& when I told them about it, somehow I missed them
Now I'm standing here acting like you listen
To the words I say, before I fade away
Not like 23 but more like cemetery (it's crazy)
I needed to escape the pain
If I was gon' survive, but inside
I felt lifeless
Lifeless
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The Drift
Floating in a sea of dreams
To oceans, to streams
Armed with a bulletproof soul
I release the grip of all control
Spinning wild on a broken axis
Stuck thinking in past tense
Pain is my echo, twice as deep
Lights dim to r.e.m. sleep
Concrete tears on a pillow
Quickly turn to marshmallows
Peeking behind every mirror
I close my eyes to see better
Plucking at your heart strings
Eager to stretch my wings
Disappearing in a thought
I will never be caught
Waking up in another dream
Rearranging the color schemes
Unchain the audio
Then watch the cup overflow
Into the sound I drown
Feels like I'm laying down
Dwell in it for a minute
I journey on beyond the limit
Moving clouds over with a touch
Using the sky as a crutch
Wandering through the stars
Jotting notes for my memoirs
Laying the foundation
Watching it all burn, cremation
Drenched in desire as I fixate
While my heart & mind separate
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I Just Want To Live My Life II
Unfold the paper, I proceed to write
Pick up where I left off, resume the fight
But I just want to be left alone, chill at home
Sometimes I feel dead like I'm laying prone
Release the choke hold I need to breathe
How much more of this can I receive?
Got to enjoy life & the good it brings
Find meaning in the grand scheme of things
I try to sidestep this all & do stuff
I smile but it's an empty one, it's not enough
I don't know who I'm staring at
Is this reflection me, am I really that?
Is this depression me, am I fueling that?
Spark the match & watch it all burn flat
Can't shake the feeling like I'll never win
Like the more I resist the deeper I fall in
I just want to live my life
I just want to live my life
I don't drink much but when I do it's over
Sometimes it's just hard to stay sober
Sometimes it's just hard to put the bottle down
I'm alone, even when they are around
Antisocial, awkward, hide my emotions
Tears of a clown, drown, creating oceans
No drug can start this healing
It's tough to find words to express feeling
Hard times fell upon me, wrapped around me
Embraced me tightly, the pain is like eternity
It makes me wish this life is all a dream
But each time I wake it's a recurring theme
As I look into my daughter's eyes
I see my mother in a smaller size
Wondering if she'll get this from me
The rest is cartoons in my reality
I just want to live my life
I just want to live my life
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Come Home
I smell the scent of your hair & even though you're not here
Baby, I still care (yeah)
They say if you love them you should let them go
& if they don't come back you know the answer's no
So I wait
I wait
I've thought about you all this time that you're not around
I'm always looking for your face in the crowd
& I wait
I wait
I reminisce placing kisses on your neck (if it's)
Between you & money, I set fire to my checks
I just hope that you're chilling, wherever you're at
& if you hear this some day you'll hit me back
I'm in a tough situation, don't know what to do
I don't want anyone to love me but you
You deserve more & that's what I am
On this journey through life we should be holding hands
Lonely nights just won't go away
& I won't give up so I so I wait
Come home (you should be with me, me, me)
Come home (you should be with me, me, me)
I wonder if you think about me when I'm not around
I wonder if I said this before would you be down
I care about you so the rest I dismiss
You mean that much, that's why I write this
You put a good feeling in my heart & it's not lust
Come close, I'm infatuated with your touch
I'm a give it to you how you want it, no fear
'Cause you know from before I will take you there (I will)
So when you're done with the lames, speak my name
Come home when you're ready to stop playing games
Let's do this lifetime thing
I just want to be there for you, on one knee with this ring
You should be my wife, for worse or better (for real)
So you tell me, are we in this together? ('cause)
When it's just us we have nothing to prove
'Cause it's just us, everyone else moves
Lonely nights just won't go away
& I won't give up so I so I wait
Come home (you should be with me, me, me)
Come home (you should be with me, me, me)
Deep down I hope you feel the same way too
Deep down I hope you feel the same way too I miss you
Lonely nights just won't go away
& I won't give up so I so I wait
Come home (you should be with me, me, me)
Come home (you should be with me, me, me)
I smell the scent of your hair & even though you're not here
Baby, I still care (come home, come home)
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Addicted
Addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
I'm addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
Massaging you with my eyes, undressing you with my thoughts
I won't stop if I get caught
'Cause I can't wait to get you all to myself
So you can tune in, unwind, & lose yourself
In the moment, make sense, don't it?
You do a bad job acting like you don't want it
Your sight is hypnotic all the time
Movement melodic & I'm
Addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
I'm addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
Wild emotions dash through my mind, seek & you'll find
See our bodies laid up intertwined
You are on my "to do" list, let's do this
Excuses are like 2 cents, it's useless
Is it a sin to watch you moving it?
You are straight killing that outfit
I want you, I need you
I need to, feel you
Addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
I'm addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
Come here
I want
I need
You
Addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
I'm addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
I don't want your number, I want you, quick
So hop in the whip right now, let's dip
I want to explore you, I have something for you
You have something for me, I can't wait to see
Let's share it together, ease this tension
Right now, you're my center of attention
What comes next isn't complex
Hot, sweaty, wild, rough, jungle sex
Addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
I'm addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
Sitting back thinking which head to think with
& that's when the animal takes over real quick
Don't come in here with pants on
I'm strong, be ready to work out 'til dawn
Let's go slow, keep a pace
Speed it up, make your heart race
I want you, I need you
I need to, feel you
Addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
I'm addicted, addicted
Addicted, addicted to you love
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All On Me
Eddie S.G. … Zone out with me
I raise my dreams to a higher plain where your aim can't reach
'Cause where I go isn't figure of speech
'Cause my flow is unique technique
& everything you utter is only merely critique (wooo)
I simply activate the great when I levitate
& deflate your hate with everything I dictate (ha ha ha)
Wait, I'm humble but I keep getting colder
Some wounds never heal, I wear that chip on my shoulder (aaah)
I'm insane, no mercy, I fight through pain
I just keep trucking, no time to complain
'Cause the struggle could keep you stuck like it buffers
Years left scars, my skin grows back tougher (yeah)
No gangster, just the same old G, me
S.G. is who I am, not who I pretend to be
In the end, all I have is myself
I'm strong enough to do this on my own, I don't need help (aaah)
Rely on who? this is all on me (yeah)
Rely on who? this is all on me (yeah)
Rely on who? this is all on me (yeah)
Rely on who? this is all on me now (come on)
I tried to bring people along but they're not built for this
'Cause it's now or never, hit or miss (good bye)
Wasting my time makes me furious
'Cause you're just playing & I'm dead serious
My work ethic is energetic, I break through
Poetic, magnetic words I attract to (wooo)
The truth hurts, this wasn't meant to please you
I'm hungry, I want this more, I'll bite you (yeah)
I ain't make tracks to wait around for a deal
Or have my hand out asking for change for a meal (uh uh)
I just keep everything legit, equipped
I go against the grain, shoot without a script (wooo)
Thinking outside the box, template designs
The only one with O.C.D. that colors outside the lines
Hitting obstacles like hurdles, sharp as a knife
7 year Marine Vet., been hard all my life (aaah)
Rely on who? this is all on me (yeah)
Rely on who? this is all on me (yeah)
Rely on who? this is all on me (yeah)
Rely on who? this is all on me now (come on)
Come on, come on, come on, yeah
Come on, come on, come on, let's go
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Zone Out With Me
I don't expect you to understand this pain
This thing I call love for what you call the game
It plays in my brain like my mental movie of life
Back when I used to rhyme to the sound of the night
'Cause New York don't sleep, it's just like me
Like some say, the fruit don't fall far from the tree
So I don't waste a second, I don't slack a minute
Focused even when light's at it's dimmest
Always looking ahead, strategy at every turn
Quiet but I listen which enables me to learn
I get over one mountain to climb the next
That's why in my heart I'm the best (I can be)
I stand on my own two
Keep you guessing, so you don't know what I'm gon' do, I'm so true
I can't knock your hustle, 'cause if i were you
I'd hate on me too if I can't be like I want to
I don't freestyle, I'm not a rapper
I'm a producer & a poet, all the rest is after
I collect my thoughts, recite them through the wire
Like a race against time before I expire
This is more than passion or desire to rhyme
I'm a music machine with a lot on my mind
I make you think every time I drop ink
My pen bridges the gap like a missing link
So what's an idea to a seamless track?
For I will not dumb it down 'til it turns whack
My music got a mood, words with a soul
When I am in the zone, music's in control
A slave to the trade, can't break these chains
& why would I, it's already running through my veins
I am just an artist, telling you what I see
They charge me for the paint though the brush moves free
Hip-Hop saved my life so I owe her one
Back when I was the red-headed stepson
Back when domestic violence was my day to day
Music was that light that showed me the way
Nowadays I hit record & I let it go
Verbal bullets tear right through your torso
I don't care about your feelings even more so
Anxiety got you tapping like morse code
Angry, sad, stressed, depressed
I carry the pain like a badge on my chest
Writing my life away, diluting the rage
This is the end of the chapter, turn the page